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Author Melina Bellows created this collage art as part of her manifesting journey. Melina Bellows Facebook Twitter LinkedIn

This is the second in a three-part series. Read Bellows' first column, which covers her introduction to manifestation, here.

It’s the moment I’ve been waiting for — my first keynote speech, a paid opportunity booked by my new agent. This is my big chance to launch a lucrative side hustle and leave unemployment

behind.

But nerves are taking over. I barely slept, and the six-hour time difference between Washington, D.C., and Mallorca, Spain, has my body clock in turmoil. At 2:30 a.m. my time, my heart

pounds as the tech adjusts my mic.

The emcee introduces me. I step onto the stage, jittery from too much coffee, staring into blinding lights. The room is packed with 300 travel tech executives, but I can’t see past the first

row. My carefully prepared slides guide me, but my throat tightens, and I stumble over the data. A bearded man in the front row yawns. The emcee interrupts me to hand me water, her

expression confirming what I fear — I’m bombing. A full-blown panic attack strikes, but I must push through the next 45 minutes, plus 15 for a Q&A.

Finally, it’s over. I sit back down in the audience, deflated and drained, cortisol surging through my system. No one offers a word of encouragement. It’s one of the lowest professional

moments of my life. But I know exactly what to do next, thanks to the new technique I learned through my manifestation coaching.

executives in Mallorca, Spain. She initially thought that she'd bombed on stage. But after some reflection, she realized that maybe she didn't. Courtesy Melina Bellows Roll the tape back

Ten days earlier, writer and mentor Suzanne Eder and I had our second Zoom session on manifestation, the practice of using positive thoughts to improve your life. I was in a dark place that

morning, and not for the first time. Over the years, I’ve learned to smack away the blues by prioritizing sleep, healthy eating, exercise, girl talk and a low dose of anti-depressant. But

with so much uncertainty about my home, job and future, discouragement prevailed.

My setbacks were like the thought version of earworms, those catchy tunes stuck on repeat in your head. Several promising house showings fell through, prompting you’re never going to sell

your house. Worse, the slides for my upcoming keynote suddenly needed major overhauling, spurring you’ll blow your big chance and publicly humiliate yourself in front of 300 people. (Little

did I know …)

“I wish I could be more flexible about the things in my life that are out of my control,” I lamented to Eder.

“Watch the self-judgment —  it never helps,” she said gently, and not for the first time. Apparently, it’s my pattern. “Reach for the happiest thought that you can. The better we feel, the

better life goes. Identifying what you want pre-paves your future.” This is the big theme of her TED Talk, “The Dark Side of Self-Improvement.”

Eder coaches me to make healthy choices with my thoughts, just as I do with my other habits. Positive self-talk is one of the three keys to manifesting, along with visualizing and acting “as

if” until you truly believe it.

The benefit of positive self-talk is well known. As we grow up, our minds are “programmed” by experiences and the messages we receive. Cognitive behavior therapy is a therapeutic approach

designed to identify and challenge negative thought patterns. It counters negativity bias, a natural tendency to focus on negative stimuli. By replacing harmful self-talk with optimistic and

constructive language that emphasizes success and personal responsibility, we can rewire our brains. According to neuroscience, creating new neural connections through repeated positive

thinking can help overcome negativity, as neurons that fire together wire together.