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NewsOpinionWisdom teeth worries: confessions of a wussy dentist-goerBy Hamish GealeUpdated January 30 2021 - 11:27pm, first published 8:00amBy Hamish GealeUpdated January 30 2021 - 11:27pm,

first published 8:00amFacebookTwitterWhatsappEmailCopyPicture: Shutterstock People act in strange ways under stress.

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50% off EOFY SaleAll articles from our website & appThe digital version of Today's PaperCrosswords, Sudoku and TriviaAll other regional websites in your areaContinue For me, it was last week

at the dentist discussing whether the planned removal of a wisdom tooth was indeed necessary.

I smashed the waiting room stage of the appointment out of the park, but the chilled-out facade didn't last 20 seconds in the chair.

"I will literally go home and have a party if it doesn't need to be taken out," I found myself saying - rather obnoxiously in hindsight - to the dentist.

"Literally I will invite all my friends over and have a party."

Hindsight - that wonderful beast that boasts more wisdom than all of my troublesome back teeth put together - would have had plenty to say about that too.

My friends undoubtedly had better things to do on a Friday night than celebrating my dental achievements and would have likely, after all these years, not known what to make of me "having a

party".

But by that point, I'd been dreading going to the dentist for a good 48 hours and spent way too much time planning responses to that sickening question "how often do you floss?".

"Every day since yesterday (awkward laugh)" was the disappointing front-runner.

"Fairy or dental?" would have been purely a time-waster because the answer is the same for both - about once a year - and even then it's probably leaning embarrassingly more towards the

former.

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While I winced my way through a standard clean and check-up that most six-year-olds would eat for breakfast, I thought back - how did I get like this?

At some point in the last 10 years I went from being fine with going to the dentist to being categorically not fine, and it's got nothing to do with the dentists.

I've had some crackers, including one guy that would fill the gaps of silence with banter while he was filling my holey teeth with amalgam.

He was so funny that on several occasions he had to ask me to stop laughing so he could do his job.

I'll shut up about him in a minute but I really hope that man is doing comedy or something right now because he's living proof that laughter really is the best medicine, or local anaesthetic

as the case may be.

With no outstandingly traumatic experiences to recall, I've since concluded that my dental anxiety is down to the long-term accumulation of not particularly enjoying going there.

So what's the solution?

Well, I think it could be the same strategy you're meant to use for dogs.

Your dog hates going to the vet because all that ever happens there is that he gets put on a table, prodded by a stranger and given an injection without even a single mention of him being a

good boy.

What you're meant to do is occasionally take him there just to load him up on Schmackos and tell him he's the bestest pupper of all the best puppers that have ever puppered.

And I think that's what I need.

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financially feasible' for council For every six-monthly check-up I need a three-monthly appointment where I just sit in the waiting room and watch Escape to the Country with a coffee and a

croissant.

Or one where I go in and they say "your teeth are fine, in fact they're so good I'd like to take a picture of them to show my colleagues at a big dental convention".

Instead, I'm coming back in a month for three more fillings.

Oh - and organising to get all four wisdom teeth pulled out, including one particularly cheeky number who has happily attached to both my jawbone and a nerve, but apparently lacks the

gumption to decide whether he wants to be in the gum or out of it.

Another I think has a small crater in it and the top two, so I'm told, aren't worth having without the bottom set.

How will I cope getting them all out?

I guess it's either coffee, croissants and Escape to the Country or a really good anaesthetist.

ShareFacebookTwitterWhatsappEmailCopyHamish GealeJournalistHamish Geale is a senior reporter at The Examiner.Got good news? Email: [email protected] Geale is a senior reporter at

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